By Lucy Komisar
“I Do” is a clever, too quirky to be really dark, but almost-dark video series by French writer/ director/ actor Nathalie Schmidt who subtly and comically skewers the talent for manipulation that imbues American culture. (And, of course, others’, too.) Zoe Bloom (Schmidt) is a French singer who needs a green card and is looking for a husband to get her one. She seeks to get / persuade/ manipulate Americans to marry her but discovers they are just as good, in fact, superlative at the art.
Aside from the few good guys that don’t meet her needs, the other likely prospects are nut jobs and scam artists. It takes a while to figure it all out. Or is this a satire about the real marriage market? Or about predatory artists of the “All About Eve” variety who will do whatever it takes to succeed? Maybe a soupçon of all.
Zoe arrives in Bushwick (Brooklyn) at an apartment she got by trading her Paris place with Leila (Flor de Liz Perez), who is looking for a job in French cuisine. We see her in zoom conversations.
She runs into Peter (Jeffrey Thompson), an old boyfriend. Seems sweet but turns weird.
At first, he says he will marry her, but their conversation brings up a litany of grievances: “You made fun of me in front of my mother,” and more.
He is a jerk. But he wrote a successful self-help book and has an agent.
To get rid of him she says she will marry her girlfriend. And races off to a nail spa. Somehow Peter’s agent Jack (a glad-handing Paul Moon) shows up. He says he is looking for a French singer to fill a spot at the Metropolitan Room to do a show about Edith Piaf. Based on a true (if convenient) story, because I first saw Nathalie singing Piaf at the Metropolitan Room.
Jack offers to represent Zoe, but under one condition, she must have green card. Ah. The manicurist Gong Zu (Claire Hsu) does Jack’s pedicure. And Zoe plots a marriage.
Minor crisis, as Zoe is talking with Leila (Flor de Liz Perez, charming in the role), their conversation is disrupted.
Peter, who ran a restaurant Leila worked for, has gotten into her apartment office and hacked into their zoom connection.
She orders him to leave. And Zoe runs out to get the handyman José (George Cerezo) to change the locks. In the street, they are accosted by ICE agents (Peter Columbia and Jim Thalman). You can’t get more trendy.
To the rescue comes Mike the cop (Menuhin Hart is a fine heroic figure). He says, “Please stop hassling hardworking documented workers.”
And, more drama, Mike gets a restraining officer for Zoe against Peter.
Then the (fake) wedding. Zoe’s “fiancée,” Gong Zu!, arrives at Leila’s elegant apartment with her grandma (Tina Chen) and her “brother” Wong (Shaotian Cai). Agent Jack and husband Willie (Jax Jaxon) show up for the party. It doesn’t end well. (Sometimes you don’t have to hit all the buttons.)
Next, Mike introduces Zoe to someone he thinks can help her – a shady character named The Duke (Carlo Fiorletta, a perfect mafioso type). Mike arrested him a year ago, and the guy will be in jail for decades for murder.
The Duke says he is in for 43 years. (A safe marriage bet.) She tells him we are all in jail together in this life. He demands she write him a love letter every week. Mike will be best man.
Meanwhile she sings at the Cornelia Street Café. All true. Great place. No longer exists because the greedy landlord raised the rent.
Turns out a millionaire named Don Chedley (a sweet/sad Joseph R. Sicari) comes to the show. He was CEO of a lawnmower company that sold a million of them.
He is entranced by Zoe. Says Piaf was his lover when he was a youth. Zoe sings a jazzy song. Someone comes over says she should do a Piaf biopic. Agent Jack says, “Don would you finance it?” He smiles, considers. But her problems won’t be solved so easily.
The Duke, who was convicted of killing his brother-in-law, is pardoned by the governor after his brother owns up to the crime!
And in Central Park, she gets a phone message from Peter: “You are mine!” (How can this, obviously not first time, arrival to U.S. know so many men?)
Meanwhile Zoe reconnects with her old friend Jimmy (a nice-guy Nimo Gandhi). He offers to marry her for the green card. Except now he is a farmer in Kentucky and shows her the land.
Duke arrives and points a pistol at her. She frantically texts cop Mike. Meanwhile on zoom, Jimmy shows her the farm, the chickens, the vegetables. (Whew!)
Note that this video has expanded the dimensions to not only what you see and hear but what is zoomed and texted! So multiple events intersect.
Mike appears, dramatically brandishing a gun. Duke has disappeared. Jimmy (on zoom) is distraught. We can close that screen.
Zoe’s options are shrinking. She sees Don again. He is smitten by Edith (he calls her Edith, or The Little Sparrow, Piaf’s nickname.)
But there’s still another guy, Brad (Thomas Christopher Nieto, normal and appealing, but wait). Looks good, what could go wrong. Turns out he is a Mormon, self-anointed so he can marry multiple wives.
He throws in a photo of a refugee he wants her to help. Her name is Amira.
She wants Jimmy to take Amira on the farm. Jimmy says she looks pregnant, Why are you doing this Zoe? (Me too, Zoe.)
Don about to marry Zoe goes crazy because can’t find the vows he wrote. Has heart attack, then amnesia. But at the cabaret, Don out of hospital appears in a suit. And Zoe sings.
The cascade of events is surreal. Some of it is “let’s throw in ICE and a Muslim refugee because it’s what’s happening,” which makes sense to set the timeframe. But aside from the politics, it’s about the corruption of personal relations, about a manipulative woman who runs into some manipulative men and some naifs. But she is so charming. Sometimes she dismisses them like Peter. Sometimes she meets her match, like Brad. Or maybe she wins with deception as with Don who imagines she is Piaf. Is this a subtle critique of marriage or all relationships?
Of course, Nathalie Schmidt is brilliant as Zoe, making you believe every bit of this narcissistic performer/manipulator. Considering she is also the co-writer and director, she’s allowed a few bows!
I don’t know what the judges thought, but the production pilot won a slew of international awards.
“I Do.” Written by Nathalie Schmidt and Arnold Barkus, directed and starring Nathalie Schmidt. Six 20-minute episodes. Pay per view $7.99 for one week rental. Park The Cat Productions, 2025.